Hey A Guys Guide to Wooing Your Lover: The Two Beer Risotto


People always ask me how I am so dynamite with the ladies.  Well actually no one asks me that.  What they do ask me, particularly my coming of age adult friends, how do I cook a special dinner for my significant other?  Well here is my fool proof way to woo that special someone making a restaurant quality dish that is sure to spice up with your night.  I like to call this two beer risotto, because who needs to cook without drinking after all.

What You’ll Need:

1 cup Arborio Rice (regular rice will not work, get classy for us one time)

1 quart broth (chicken, mushroom, vegetable all work depending on preference)

1 small package of mushrooms (usually comes in 8oz size, pre-sliced if you are lazy)

1/2 Tablespoon of fresh thyme (about 5-10 of the twigs stripped down and chopped)

3 gloves garlic (mince those bad boys up)

4 scallions (diced up separating the white/light green parts from the dark green stalks)

2 Tablespoons of butter

2 Tablespoons of olive oil

1/2 cup white wine (Chris Berman recommends a good clean white)

1/2 cup parmesan cheese (more if you like)

1/2 heavy cream

2 Tablespoons chopped parsley

2 beers or glasses of wine

Step 1

Pop open that first beer or pour that chalice of vino.

Step 2

In a large sauté pan over medium heat add the butter, olive oil and whites of the scallions.  Cook for until the scallions start to wilt (about 4 minutes).  Next toss in the garlic and give a stir.  Take a big sip of your beverage and by the time you’ve swsallowed it’s time to add the rice.  Cook the rice for about 5-7 minutes or until the outer part becomes translucent and you can see the little white embryo inside.  At this point toss in a pinch of salt and pepper, take another glug and head on over to Step 3.

Step 3

Dump in the ½ cup of white wine, deglazing the pan and scrapping up any toasty bits on the bottom of the pan.  After your alcohol facial where all the liquids evaporates add in the chopped mushrooms and thyme and give a quick stir.  Time for another sip and Step 4.

Step 4

This is where most people fear the risotto game, adding in the broth.  Essentially what you want to do is add enough to create a little pond on top of the rice and then stir constantly until you can scrape at the bottom of the pan and no liquid fills the hole.  This should take about 20-30 minutes so have that second beverage ready for NASCAR-esque pit stop interchange.  Once all the broth is gone head over to Step 5.

Step 5

Time to get some of natures ultimate aphrodisiac dairy into this beast.  Turn off the heat and add in the cream, giving a good stir to incorporate it.  Similarly add in the Parmesan cheese and scallion tops.  At this point you are free to enjoy but I like to spice it up a bit with more Parmesan, some fresh arugula, and a drizzle of olive oil (truffle oil if you are really feeling frisky).

At this point grab a nice glass of wine, light some candles, throw on some adult contemporary music and get ready for some sweet sweet romance.

(Any babies produced as a result of this recipe, the author reserves exclusive naming rights).












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