It’s time to get a little self aware here people. I can understand that in my venture to get you to read my Shakespearean diatribes that from time to time I may have flooded your social media feed. Getting your message out is difficult with so much competition out there in the respective platforms that social bombardment becomes a necessity. So in order to make more room to hear the siren song that is American Appetite calling to you, why don’t you go ahead and delete these social media pests.
5. Inspirational Quote Guru
I like to think myself a generally positive person trying to look on the bright side of life, but so help me do I get horrible violent feelings when I read some hippy mantra emblazoned over a burning Island sunset. If you really need to share with the world your daily quote of encouragement maybe you should get out in there and join Green Peace.
4. Political Warriors
Boy oh boy does everyone know who you voted for in this past election. The onslaught of Wikileaks Hillary email articles, Trump fact checking lists, or just debate reviews galore made for an all too brutal election season. A large number of people simply gave up social media altogether due to the high volume of political pontificating. Being someone who regularly received incredibly biased, often misleading, political emails from a family member for years I was well suited for the barrage that was about to come. But if you can’t take a break to post a video about someone flipping a water bottle in between your racist rants, I think it’s time to rethink posting online and maybe try getting your own podcast with Infowars.
3. Frauding Schemers
Are you tired of the old 9 to 5? Do you want to be your own boss? Ready to make tons of money? Well do I have the opportunity for you! That opportunity can also be combined with the miracle weight loss pill I was hawking last week. Also since I’m feeling generous, how about that self help book as a bonus! There is always some sort of scam that is being played and one person trying to take advantage of them all.
2. Here Look at My Baby
Children are our future, and also a joyous thing worth celebrating. Milestones within the child’s life deservedly belong to be shared to the world from their proud parents. However it can easily be taken too far. With the move towards digital baby diaries the days of having to be physically within the presence of a baby photo album are of the past. No longer can you avoid the onslaught of cuteness by avoiding Aunt Patty’s. Please feel free to share the bounty of your loins but if you feel the need to switch your profile picture to your babies sonogram, you have gone too far.
1. Your Parents
They haven’t quite gotten a grasp of what social media entails, whether it means sending direct messages to be seen by the global interweb or the classic typing messages in all caps. With constant stream of questions regarding how the whole social media doo hickey works, they are all over all your preschool classmates pages. Asking about if I knew that some girl I had art class with in 2nd grade was now a nurse in Oklahoma or if I saw baby pictures of Shakira’s new daughter. They like everything, and comment on people’s posts that couldn’t have a clue who they are from the time they met 14 years ago.