It is safe to say of the span of the past 30 something years fashion trends have ebbed and flowed, coming in and out with a brash abandon and dying a slow and painful death. It is important to always take a few moments to take some steps back and acknowledge the fashion faux pas that either your parents or even you perpetrated on yourself.
When I was in elementary school I went through a horrible phase around the second grade where all I wanted to wear was sweatpants. Comfy cotton and elastic waist were the best friend to a relatively messy and athletic kid. Also I think my mother realized early on that with my pension for ruining pants during recess football sessions it was better to go with the more durable and cheaper sweat pant options. So after a few years of having bloomers that resembled a starlet in a romantic comedy after her devastating break up, I developed a bit of a reputation. Nothing to bad or horrible. Nothing that scarred me permanently for years. Nothing that would alter my fashion for years and years to come OK I WAS DUBBED SWEATPANTS BOY! Oh, the horror, oh the shame. The nickname would haunt my dreams and severely alter my fashion sense.
I then went to the polar opposite realm of the spectrum and would not be seen in school with anything short of what people might call church pants. Nylon dress pants or khaki’s were all I would allow to cover my legs. Once again let me remind you that I was a bit of a rough and tumble kid so these pants would not last long. Nylon dress pants were not made for sliding down hallways, and neither were the melted bits that singed my knees when I tried it. After years of ridicule the other was I finally found a happy medium with jeans. The denim dream was already in full swing by the time I hit middle school and hence was able to take full advantage. With that in mind let’s take a little time machine back in time to take a look at the jean fashion stylings of the mid 1990’s.
Hardly done up with both straps over the shoulder, unless you went to high school in farm country or down south where the practicality of keeping your pants up superseded the fashion aspect. These fun loving full bodied trousers were commonly found with one strap unbuttoned flung over the front, on top of a quirky tie-dye shirt, worn by that artistic hippy girl in your biology class who was always giggling.
Hey man check out how cool so look with these giant holes in my garment. Isn’t my knee cap just the coolest thing in the world? Never did I view getting a hole in my jeans as a good thing. It was a gateway to a night of yelling and cursing about how I’d ruined another pair. But then you have these fashionistas taking razors and scissors to a fresh pair of Buggle Boys just to make a statement.
A purely personal selection, Structure was my jeans of choice. The most comfortable denim in the world it felt like a baby care bear was hugging my legs. With their relaxed fit it also helped a boy, who grew up shopping in the husky section, look not to bulbous in a good pair of slacks. It wasn’t until Express Men’s took them over and all their wears went the way of classy business type, hence ruining my most beloved bloomers.
Stop the presses, I think we have found the winner for the most regrettable, while at the time incredibly popular, pants in history. Never since the rise of bell bottoms has it been more fashionable to hide your feet. Maybe the allure was to make it appear as if you were footless floating down the street but practically everyone I knew had a pair of JNCO’s. Quickly picking up notoriety with skaters it somehow jumped the shark and in no time became as ubiquitous as pogs.
Whether or not you owned one or all 4 of these types of jeans it’s fare to say that we all have had some fashions of our past we wish we skipped over. Some however hold a dear place in my heart and I shall forever hold ill will towards Express Men’s store for ruining my beloved jeans.