The billy goat is dead, Steve Bartman has been released from witness protection, and the black cat has been adopted by that weird lady at the end of Montgomery St who never really leaves her house and wears men’s shoes. All of this has happened because the Chicago Cubs have broken their 108 year laundry list of curses. Now people can go back through a litany of pop culture predictions and see if any of them got it right; Marty Mcfly’s prediction of 2015 was only 1 year off, the DeLorean must have been on time travel savings time. Well, with the world no longer enthralled with the will they won’t they break the curse dilemma it is time to move on to a whole new set of hexes to worry about.
The Madden Curse: Gracing the cover of one of the most popular video games of all time would be a huge honor for any football player to endure, well maybe. Since players became adorning the front of football legend John Madden’s namesake, there has been controversy swirling around the cursed aspect of appearing on the cover dating back to 2000 when cover boy Barry Sanders decided to retire even before the game came out and season started. From there it was a myriad of injuries, criminal charges, and fading into obscurity. Most notably Adrian Peterson was suspended for the whole season after the first game the year he was cover boy in 2014. 2012 was the year of Peyton Hillis, remember him, even the member berries don’t. Troy Polamalu tore his MCL in his debut on the cover in 2010. All in all I severely hope that fate decides to skip this year so that Rob Gronkowski can favor us with multiple Gronk Smash Spikes as this is his cover year.
Tecumseh’s Curse: Williams Henry Harrison prior to his election to Presidency in 1840 was Governor of the Indiana Terriroty where he was accused of swindling land from the Shawnee people at the Treaty of Fort Wayne. This angered Shawnee leader Tecumseh who after gathering other tribes together proceeded to be defeated in battle with Harrison led forces at the Battle of Tippecanoe. Post battle Tecumseh’s brother Tenskwatawa put a curse on Harrison and any Presidents of the United States elected in years ending in the same number. Since Harrison’s election in 1840 the President elected every 20 years has died in office. Now popular myth has concluded that this curse am to an end in 1980 when Ronald Reagan survived his stint in the White House, as well as George W. Bush in 2000. Well we all know full well that John Hinckley Jr’s attempted to woo over Jodie Foster was successful and that Reagan was replaced with a jelly bean fueled robot straight out of the Star Wars Program. That brings us to George W. Bush, who it is basically documented proof along with a majority of his cabinet is a Reptilian or lizard person and curses do not apply to Reptilians. While the country is rightfully worried about the prospects of this current election, I would be equally as scared for what might befall our elected leader in 4 years.
The Busby Stoop Chair: In 1702 Thomas Busby came back to his home to find his father-in-law, Daniel Awety, sitting in his favorite stoop chair. Slightly perturbed Busby fetched himself a hammer and proceeded to bludgeon his father-in-law to death. After Awety’s body was found some time later Busby was found guilty and sentenced to death. On his way to his execution Busby pronounced a curse on all who would grace his chair. Since that day the chair, housed in the same inn and pub, has become a daring symbol for travelers and locals alike to test their metal and dare the curse gods. Some have not been quite so lucky with their willful disobedience of Busby’s proclamation. Two pilots from a local airfield both sat in the chair and perished after their car crashed into a tree when returning to the airfield. Similarly a brick layer fell to his death the afternoon he was coerced into sitting in the chair by a jousting coworker. The pub owner finally donated the chair to a museum after a delivery man died in a car crash an hour after he graced the murderous throne. To this day the chair sits fanny free hanging in a British museum hopefully free from dispelling a blasphemous booty ever again.
Long story short if we keep away from chairs, video games, and running for the Presidency I think we will all live life a little bit safer.